M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
