Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
