so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You're a disaster
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