i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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