Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
