After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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