Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
dude i'm inner monologue high
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
