and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
