just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
with your own penis?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
