so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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