at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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