so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
