I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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