No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Why are your pants in the freezer?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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