Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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