we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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