Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
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