After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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