his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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