You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
