What tipped you off? The sombrero?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
