Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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