If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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