She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
