I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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