i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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