Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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