bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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