He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
