even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
