my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
