i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
