i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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