i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
