So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
