just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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