What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Come share oat with me in your robe
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
