There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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