i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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