last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
