My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
