Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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