This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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