U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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