guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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