I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
