I am puke
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
