Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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