My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
