I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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