last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Randomize
